


Tangled Web

by Rocket_Sith



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka is feisty as hell and she will fight your ass, Deception Blowout A-Go-Go, Emotional baggage check, Everyone thinks Obi-Wan's an idiot except for Obi-Wan, F/M, For that matter neither is R2, Gen, M/M, Obi-Wan what the fuck were you thinking, Quin and Padme are not impressed with your shenanigans, Rex isn't amused either, metric assload of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-16 05:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8089663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocket_Sith/pseuds/Rocket_Sith
Summary: After the Rako Hardeen incident, the shit hits the fan.
Obi-Wan is the fan. He completely deserves the shit. 
Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to understand why. 
(This story takes place immediately after the Deception arc in TCW and addresses the ramifications of Obi-Wan's questionable decision making skills.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Whoooooo boy. Well! I kept trying to work on other fics, but this fic happened instead. I think I just needed to get it out of my system before I could do much of anything else with any of these characters. I'm posting it in five parts, but the entire thing is pretty much written, other than a few lines of dialogue here and there and some minor editing. The whole thing should be up within the week. 
> 
> Also, this is a major fucking angst fest. The way I see it, Obi-Wan's actions in that arc were enough to stir the pot on a pretty epic scale. And by "stir the pot" I mean "put himself and everyone close to him in a pressure cooker full of shot nerves and broken trust." ENJOY :p  
> \------------------------------------------------

Ahsoka politely bowed her head, every bit the picture of proper Padawan formality. "Master Kenobi," she greeted, her voice pure ice. "Please wait here. I'll see if my Master wishes to speak with you." 

She partially closed the door to her and Anakin's shared apartment, forcing herself to bite back the litany of curses on the tip of her tongue as she cautiously poked her head into Anakin's bedroom. "Hey Skyguy?" 

Anakin looked up from where he sat at the foot of the bed, tinkering with Artoo's rocket boosters. "Obi-Wan again?" he asked, exasperation and annoyance masking the stab of pain Ahsoka felt through their bond. "Can you get rid of him?" 

"Maybe for five minutes," she said, rolling her eyes. "He's pretty determined to talk to you. I could tell him you're busy, but he'll just come back later. I told him you didn't want to talk the last few times he came by. That didn't get rid of him either."

"Ugh," Anakin grunted, finishing the repairs on Artoo and affectionately patting the Droid's domed head. Artoo chirped gratefully at him, then squawked a disapproving beep toward the door. Anakin grinned at the droid. "I know, buddy, my thoughts exactly."

Anakin turned his gaze to Ahsoka. "Okay, fine, let him in, but I might need you to be an alibi witness if this conversation goes how I think it will."

Ahsoka did as her Master requested, and a few minutes later, she got the distinct impression the conversation was going precisely how Anakin thought it would. 

The two had barricaded themselves in Anakin's bedroom, and though the door was closed, an argument was clearly taking place - a rather loud and nasty one if Anakin's tone and the violent ripples in the Force were any indication. A particularly sharp spike of _painconfusionanger_ followed by Anakin raising his voice to a shout finally prompted Ahsoka to open the door. She'd been trying not to intrude, but at this point, Anakin seemed far more distressed than simply angry, and if she was already an established alibi witness, she might as well upgrade herself to accomplice. After all, Anakin taught her better than to do things half-assed. 

Oblivious to Ahsoka's presence, the two men inside continued their quarrel, and for a moment, Ahsoka thought it had escalated to physical combat. She nearly ran to break it up, but she stopped herself when her instincts told her she was missing something. 

"Get the hell away from me," Anakin snarled, roughly shoving Obi-Wan, who appeared to be in the process of trying to kiss Anakin's forehead. 

_What in blazes…_

Obi-Wan looked thoroughly heartbroken. He kept his distance for the most part, but reached out a hand to stroke the other man's face. "Anakin, I..." 

"We're on Coruscant, aren't we?" Anakin growled through gritted teeth. "There are plenty of brothels in the lower levels. Go find someone else to use." 

_Brothels…? Find someone else…? Oh. Oh stars. Holy kriffing Sithspit._ If this was the type of relationship the two of them had, and Obi-Wan had still done what he did…Well, it certainly explained the intensity of Anakin's reaction. Of his ongoing reactions, Force help them all. And just what in the _Sith hells_ had Obi-Wan been thinking when he… _breathe, Tano. Breathe._

Ahsoka took a deep breath and quickly released as much of her newfound rage to the Force as she possibly could before striding into the room. "Master?" she called. "Are you alright? What's going on in here?"

"Ahsoka!" Obi-Wan lept away from Anakin like his former Padawan's flesh suddenly scorched his skin. "If you could please give us a moment, this is not…."

Ahsoka could hardly believe her eyes. The idea of two Jedi seeking each other out for sexual release wasn't exactly smiled upon in the Order, as it tended to lead to attachment, but Anakin brazenly ignoring the rules was hardly news. Besides, she'd always suspected Anakin and Obi-Wan had a more complicated relationship than simply being a former master-apprentice pair. Under normal circumstances, catching the two of them in this position would mean she owed Rex 20 credits and owed Anakin a week's worth of teasing. 

But Obi-Wan's reaction, jumping back like he'd been caught doing something terrible by stroking her Master's cheek, ignited a new wave of fury in her that she couldn't bite back. "Are you kidding me?" she yelled, taking another step toward them. "After what you did to him, THIS is what you're ashamed of? THIS is what you're worried about me seeing? I don't care that you're fucking him, I care that you're fucking him up!" 

Rage and disgust exploded within her, and in that moment, the burdensome hindrances of protocol and rank were furiously cast aside, consequences be damned, because kriff it, this was _important._ She squared her shoulders and locked eyes with Obi-Wan. "It's bad enough you used his feelings to manipulate a reaction out of him in the alleyway. Now you're trying to use them again to manipulate him into forgiving you too? How low can you get! There's no excuse for what you did and you don't deserve to be forgiven! You weren't here to see what it did to him because you were too busy running around playing dress-up, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out."

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to say something, but Ahsoka only raised her voice further. "What part of 'no excuse' don't you understand? And don't even _think_ about hiding behind some stupid lecture on attachment and the Jedi Code! Don't tell me I need to shut up or that I'm stepping out of line either. I'm already in trouble for mouthing off to you, so there's no point in stopping before I'm done." 

She protectively stepped between the two stunned knights, staring Obi-Wan down with enough defiance and contempt that he may as well be an errant Sith who'd broken into the temple to deface the walls with a Sharpie and a spray can. "My Master obviously doesn't want to talk to you, so you should probably get the hell out of his room. Just because you're an idiot doesn't mean the rest of us can't see how bad you karked things up. I know I'm not strong enough to fight you and win, but I'm strong enough to be a big enough pain in your ass that you might not think it's worth the effort. So you should probably do us all a favor and get the kriff out before this turns into an even bigger mess."

Anakin and Obi-Wan both gaped at Ahsoka's uncharacteristic explosion. For all her bickering with Anakin, losing her temper to this degree was rare, and swearing at a Council member was unheard of. She, of course, knew all of this quite well, and was partially relying on the shock factor to get her message across. 

"Perhaps… this is indeed a bad time," Obi-Wan stammered, backing away from Anakin. Looking startled and disoriented, he exited the room, closing the door softly behind him. 

Ahsoka glared after him for a few long seconds, then turned back to Anakin. "I know I'm in trouble. WORTH IT. And, Force, Master, you've got some shitty taste in lovers! All this time I thought you were sneaking around with Padme. I wish I'd been right!" 

"Um, actually…"

"No. No way. Do they know about each other?"

"Ahsoka! Yes. Of course they do. I wouldn't…"

She breathed a sigh of relief, feeling stupid for even needing to ask. "Of course you wouldn't. You're not Obi-Wan. You don't betray the people who love you." 

Anakin looked at Ahsoka like the entire universe had turned itself upside down. "This...um...has to be a lot to take in. You...you're not upset?"

Ahsoka indignantly placed her hands on her hips. "Not at you! It's not like it's some secret you're incapable of being a proper emotionless Jedi drone. Anyone who's ever met you knows that." She stepped closer to Anakin and looked him in the eye. "I figured you had something going on with Padme, and I knew you and Obi-Wan had a deeper bond than most sticklers for the Code would probably approve of. I didn't think it was any of my business, and I was glad you had people who made you happy. Besides," she reasoned, "What was I going to do? Rat you out to the Council so you'd get tossed out of the Order and I'd get reassigned to some boring loser who follows protocol? Not on your life!"

For the first time in what felt like ever, Anakin burst out laughing. Not a joyless hollow laugh, but true amusement and warmth. He wrapped his arms around Ahsoka and crushed her in a hug. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm really glad you're here." 

She breathed a sigh of relief and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his chest. "So you're not going to kill me for yelling at Obi-Wan? Or get some of your goons from the pod racing scene to break my kneecaps since I know all your secrets now?" That got another laugh, and Ahsoka grinned up at her Master. "I picked these bad habits up from you, you know. Snooping into stuff, mouthing off to Council members. It's pretty satisfying! I think I'm starting to understand what the appeal is."

Anakin smiled down at her and affectionately placed a hand on her shoulder. "Just don't get too used to it. It's a hard habit to break."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, y'all, thanks so much for the comments and kudos! So apparently our dear, wise Jedi Master Obi-Wan has a few issues. GEE, WHO'DA THUNK. (Apparently not him!) All things considered, I'm surprised the Jedi Order wasn't even more of a Sith factory than it turned out to be. (COME ON, OBI-WAN. DO YOU WANT SITH LORDS? BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU GET SITH LORDS.) *ahem* Anyway! Chapter 2. Angst with a side of more angst. Bon appetit!  
> \-------------------------

Everything seemed surreal to Obi-Wan. 

Re-acclimating himself to life as a temple-dwelling Jedi instead of a fugitive bounty hunter was a difficult adjustment, but ultimately a pleasant and welcome one. 

Re-adjusting to Anakin's temper was even more difficult, though decidedly less pleasant and welcome. 

Adjusting to Ahsoka's temper was just downright baffling. 

Anakin's moodiness was certainly nothing new, and though Obi-Wan knew how much Anakin hated being kept out of the loop, the amount of fury and pain he'd been met with earlier today had thoroughly shocked and surprised him.

He was expecting some anger and resentment from Anakin at being left in the dark, of course, but Anakin was no longer a Padawan. He was a full-fledged knight, a respected General in the GAR, and _certainly_ he could be expected to understand the necessity of covert missions, to appreciate that some information had to be given on a need-to-know basis. 

Or at least this is what Obi-Wan assumed. 

At first he'd taken Anakin's reluctance to speak with him as a combination of bruised ego and stubborn petulance. Ahsoka's iciness did strike him as odd, but he dismissed that as well, figuring Anakin had been ranting to her and unwittingly wound her up. Anakin had a way of rabble rousing even when he wasn't necessarily trying, and it wasn't remotely odd for a bonded Master-Padawan pair to inadvertently absorb each other's emotions. 

It was only when things were hitting critical mass that Obi-Wan realized there was something going on that he simply didn't understand. Anakin wasn't just mad, he was furious, and it wasn't the fruit of a bruised ego. Anakin's Force signature hadn't radiated displeasure and frustration, it had radiated betrayal and heartbreak, and when Obi-Wan had reached out to physically comfort his Padawan - normally something that never failed to coax Anakin into relaxing at least a bit - a landmine of pure rage had exploded instead. 

Then Ahsoka had charged into the room, dumped gasoline on the fire, and started hurling wild accusations. None of it made any sense, but his presence was clearly distressing them both - so in a thorough state of shock and bewilderment, he'd simply turned and left.

Now, he found himself drawn to the temple hangar, Anakin's tremulous Force signature pulsing like a beacon. Whatever was going on, Anakin was still a veritable mess of uncontrolled anger and pain, and he'd likely allowed his shields to slip as he often did when he lost himself in the quasi-meditative trance of mechanical tinkering. 

As Obi-Wan entered the hangar, he saw his former Padawan crouched in a corner, tunic covered in engine grease as he dismantled an old speeder. Anakin looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps, narrowed his eyes in annoyance, and went back to his task.

Refusing to take the hint, Obi-Wan sat down next to his friend and simply watched him work. When no further acknowledgement came, he asked in a gentle voice, "Anakin, could you please tell me what's wrong?" 

Obi-Wan didn't know what he'd been expecting. Probably yelling, maybe the silent treatment, possibly even a Force shove. But what he wasn't prepared for was to have Anakin stare him straight in the eye, then suddenly go limp against the wall, eyes brimming with unshed tears. 

"You lied to me! You used me! Is this how much of a failure I am as a Jedi? I can't help having emotions, so the only thing I'm good for is being a tool for you to use when it might make your missions easier? When my reactions might help you sell a story?"

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan reached out and pulled Anakin into his arms. The younger man crumpled forward, clinging to Obi-Wan and sobbing into his shoulder. 

"Will you please fuck off?" Anakin choked, clinging tighter. "You were _dead_ , you were kriffing dead right in front of me, and I had to sit there and know there was nothing…" A hollow sob wracked Anakin's body. "You don't understand what that felt like. Or you do and you don't care because it's not the kriffing _Jedi way_ to feel anything other than self righteous superiority." He bit out the words 'Jedi way' like they were vile, hateful obscenities. "I can't trust you anymore, so just get the hell away from me." He desperately grasped Obi-Wan's tunic tighter as he spoke, kneading the fabric in white-knuckle fists. 

Obi-Wan was at an utter loss for anything to say, so he silently cradled the crumpled mess of his former Padawan as the sobs gave way to violent shivers. "I learned my lesson, believe me. If I hadn't felt anything for you, there wouldn't have been any reaction for you to use in the first place, and I was an idiot for trusting you with what I felt. I should have known someone like you would always pick the Code over me. You're happy to bend the rules and sneak into my room when it gets you laid at night, but you didn't give a second thought to hurting me for your own gain. How am I supposed to trust you again?"

Anakin's words struck hard, and the implication behind them speared Obi-Wan's heart. Anakin wasn't upset about covert missions or top secret clearance levels. He was upset because he felt exploited and betrayed, and worse yet, like he'd been punished for trusting Obi-Wan with a vulnerable part of himself. Obi-Wan had to set the record straight. 

"I've always sought to protect you, Anakin, and I always will. Surely you realize that."

Breathlessly, Anakin shot back, "Of course you have my back against the Seppies! There's no reason you wouldn't. But what if you're the one I need protection from? What happens next time you have to choose between me and the Sith-damned Code? Or the Council? What if I show emotion around you again because I can't help it? What if I need to talk about something personal and come to you for help? How do I know you're not going to file it away and use it against me later? If this is what I get for being stupid enough to tell you I...look, just kriff off, alright?" 

"Anakin, you can't blame the Council for this."

"Of course your first priority is to defend the kriffing Council! And yes, I know. They were opposed to you leaving me out of the loop, but only because they think I'm a ticking time bomb and this would set me off. You left me out anyway because your desire to exploit me conveniently outweighed their lack of faith in me. I'm deeply touched by the sentiments all around."

Obi-Wan winced and Anakin choked on a lingering sob, then pulled away from Obi-Wan and stared at him through red-rimmed eyes. "I know I'm an idiot and a lousy Jedi, but you're an asshole, and that's worse." The childlike petulance would have been endearing if he hadn't sounded so horribly, hopelessly _broken_. "I didn't choose to love you on purpose, but you chose to do this to me."

Anakin angrily swatted the tears from his eyes, then pulled himself to his feet and half-ran, half-staggered out of the hangar. His shields snapped into place as he faded from view, leaving Obi-Wan frightened, worried, and even more bewildered than before. 

\-----------------

_It hadn't started as anything out of the ordinary. They'd been engaging in some physical activities of a libidinous nature, which they often did to relieve stress after missions, and when Obi-Wan had finally collapsed from exhaustion, he found himself pressed naked against his friend, enjoying the peaceful, quiet intimacy far more than he probably should._

_It wasn't even that. They'd spent the better part of the evening pressed against, around, and into each other, and they'd spent the better part of countless other evenings doing the same. So it wasn't that, not in and of itself._

_It was Anakin's eyes, dark and wide, full of adoration and trust. It was four completely unacceptable words, not crude lascivious bedroom talk or indecent, lust-crazed shouts, but something far, far worse - "I love you, Master," murmured quietly against his collarbone, a soft nuzzle against his neck, and a wave of intense affection pouring through their wide-open bond. It was overwhelming and terrifying and dizzyingly joyous in a way it had no earthly right to be. There had been danger in Anakin's words, in his passion-drunk eyes and the unchecked flood of pure devotion that rushed through the bond they weren't technically supposed to have anymore._

_And there had been even more danger in Obi-Wan's traitorous reaction, instinctively rejoicing and feeling himself returning all of those feelings twofold, before his brain kicked into gear and asked him what in the Sith Hells he thought he was doing._

_Then, Obi-Wan had panicked._ This wasn't supposed to happen. _These liaisons were supposed to be meaningless, a harmless way to relieve the tension of the war without either of them needing to seek out a stranger or acquaintance who may or may not be trustworthy or available. Anakin's romantic focus was on the Senator, and Obi-Wan was easily disciplined enough to avoid confusing sexual relations with attachment, so what harm could there be?_

_Plenty, it turned out, and the damage had been done. Was being done. Anakin, sensing his former Master's unease following the emotional reciprocity, seemingly assumed it was stress left over from the day's bloody, costly battle, and refocused his end of the bond to send a steady trickle of gentle love instead of the previous torrent of passion. And when Anakin pressed his lips against Obi-Wan's shoulder, softly trailing warm metal fingertips up and down his Master's back ("Always my Master, no takebacks," Anakin had murmured when Obi-Wan halfheartedly objected to the title), his flesh hand loosely entwined with Obi-Wan's - that was downright terrifying._

_"Given your increasing propensity to disobey every word I say," Obi-Wan had told him, leaning into the smooth caress of durasteel that had once felt so alien, but now felt so wonderfully, uniquely_ Anakin _, "I have the sneaking suspicion the title is strictly ceremonial."_

_Anakin had laughed at that, joyous and warm. "Has it ever been any different?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow._

_Obi-Wan had given a fond sigh despite himself. "No. I suppose not."_

_"Then I'm simply honoring tradition." He softly kissed the corner of Obi-Wan's mouth. "Master."_

_And just like that, the brazen little shit had turned a sacred Jedi honorific into an intimate term of endearment._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so I lied through my teeth when I said this was only going to be five parts. I keep adding more shit in when I go to edit, and it's going to be at least six now. 
> 
> \-------------------------

At the time, Obi-Wan had tried to brush it off. Anakin had always been prone to grandiose theatrics and intense bouts of emotion, so it didn't necessarily mean anything.

But Anakin had never been prone to flat-out faking his feelings. If anything, the fiery knight seemed incapable of hiding them at all, let alone conjuring fake emotions for no discernable purpose - and he'd definitely never tried to fake emotions through their bond. He'd get cranky or sullen and throw up high shields sometimes, and other times he'd intentionally project what he was feeling to make a point, or mask pain with anger in order to protect himself. But those were entirely different beasts than faking things that weren't there to begin with.

So Obi-Wan was left to deal with the utterly terrifying truth that while he wouldn't put it past Anakin to mistake lust for love and dramatically declare the latter when he really meant the former… lust was not what he saw in Anakin's eyes that night, or what he felt through their bond, or what (Force help him) he found himself reciprocating toward Anakin before his Jedi training kicked in and intervened.

But there would be time to deal with that later. 

For now, he had to find Anakin and calm him down. Talk some sense into him. Obi-Wan needed to make Anakin understand that his exclusion from the Hardeen mission wasn't personal, and certainly wasn't an indictment of his worthiness as a Jedi. 

However, Obi-Wan was at a loss for how to convince Anakin to talk to him at all. A quick mental scan of the Temple told him Anakin either wasn't here or was still heavily shielding, and he wasn't going to risk going to Anakin's and Ahsoka's quarters, as both had made it abundantly clear that he wasn't welcome there. 

That left a few options. One was to wait it out. Given how incredibly stubborn Anakin could be, however, this didn't seem like a course of action likely to yield anything but a stalemate. Another possibility was to simply hunt him down again and force a conversation, but that seemed to be a good way to get another explosion. Definitely a bad plan. And besides, Obi-Wan still wasn't sure what he'd even say.

This pretty much narrowed it down to seeking advice and/or intervention from a trusted third party. Yoda or Ahsoka would normally be his first two choices when it came to Anakin, but Anakin was likely to resent any advice or meddling from a Council member, and Ahsoka wasn't exactly keen on talking right now. 

Still though, he needed to find someone he felt comfortable confiding in, and who Anakin would respect enough to listen to. 

_Rex. Of course._

However, a quick comm to the Clone Captain had only confused things further. Obi-Wan had barely spoken two sentences before Rex had gone deadly silent, then cautiously asked, "Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

"Of course, Rex. I'd hoped you would."

After a very long pause, Rex had simply said that he didn't believe he was the best person to offer an unbiased opinion on the matter, and that he respectfully requested to not be involved. 

"I have no intention of forcing your hand, Captain," Obi-Wan reassured him, "but might I inquire as to why?"

Another very long pause. Then: "I watch my brothers die on the battlefield every day, General. I don't think I'm capable of impartially mediating your conflict with General Skywalker." 

Obi-Wan thanked Rex for his honesty, ended the comm, and silently groaned. While he did appreciate the candid response from the Captain in admitting his own bias, it still put him right back to square one. 

Then another possibility occurred to him, and he nearly kicked himself for not thinking of it sooner. A few moments later, he was climbing onto a temple speeder and merging into the rat race of Coruscanti traffic.

\------------------------

"So you've come to my office to confess war crimes?"

Obi-Wan had hoped Padme, steadfast champion of cool heads, seeker of diplomatic solutions, and close friend to Anakin and Obi-Wan alike, might have some helpful advice to offer in order to peaceably settle the conflict between him and his former apprentice. 

He was quickly coming to realize he'd hoped wrong. 

If Anakin's temper was Mustafar, Padme's was most assuredly Hoth. Force-blind though she may be, she was a force unto herself, and only a fool would take her anger lightly. Especially when that anger was this palpable and focused squarely on Obi-Wan, the tightly controlled formality of her vocal inflections contrasting in a frightening way with the burning intensity of her gaze.

"Psychological torture is illegal in the Republic as a means of achieving a military goal. But unfortunately," she continued regally, "this is a Jedi matter and the authority to intervene is not mine. On a personal note, however," the lofty Queen voice was gone, and in its place rumbled the deadly growl of a furious creature who'd seen her loved one harmed. "I would tear you limb from limb myself if I thought murdering a Republic General wouldn't reflect poorly on Naboo, justifiable though the homicide may be." 

"Senator, I realize you and Anakin have had occasional intimate relations, but you simply do not understand the Jedi way of…" *SLAP*

"I understand enough! He's a deeply passionate being who loves you. You twisted and manipulated that love with no regard for the damage it would cause him. This isn't about Jedi politics or some disagreement between Anakin and the Council. This is about him trusting you - not the Order, not some philosophical code, _you_ \- and you turning out to be just another stone-hearted opportunist - in a long line of them, I might add! - who's exploited him and used him as a means to an end rather than treating him like a person. He's come to expect it from the Council. But coming from you, it was cruelty beyond words. Losing you...it destroyed him, and the idea that you'd put him through that _intentionally_ is a level of evil I never expected to see from any self avowed keeper of the peace, let alone you."

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to defend himself, but Padme cut him off. 

"Save your breath! I have no intention of indulging whatever rationalization you might have dreamed up. If your blind dedication to Jedi propaganda precludes you from understanding why your actions were reprehensible and _continue_ to be reprehensible, then perhaps you and your Council need to rethink your priorities and your Code. And in the meantime, stay the hell away from my...stay away from Anakin before you do any more damage."

Obi-Wan took a breath and began to speak, but Padme silenced him with a regal glare. "Our business here is concluded, Master Jedi. Please see yourself out." And she brushed past him through the door, disappearing into the bustling halls of the Senate building.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the kudos and comments! It's rather therapeutic to know Obi-Wan's dense-as-fuck douchery in this TCW arc pissed a bunch of other people off as bad as it pissed me off.
> 
> Also, for some weird reason, when I posted Chapter 3, the story didn't seem to get bumped up on the Recently Updated view feed like it normally does, so hopefully it'll work this time. Or maybe AO3 is just possessed and taking vengeance on me for posting so much friggen angst. WHO KNOWS. But anyways, here's Chapter 4.
> 
> \-------------------------

Upon his return to the temple, Obi-Wan found himself utterly lost in many senses of the word. He tried to pinpoint the location of Anakin's Force signature and found himself once again standing outside his former Padawan's quarters, once again facing off with a thoroughly devoted, thoroughly pissed off Togruta whose Force presence belied her tiny size. 

"You here to drag me in front of the Council and try and make me feel bad?" she asked, stepping into the hallway and blocking the door. 

Silence. 

"Fine! I don't care! I'm not the one who had to get lectured by a Padawan on how not to be a giant sleemo, so I really don't have a whole lot to be ashamed of!"

Obi-Wan regarded her with an unreadable expression and slowly shook his head. "Like Master, like Padawan," he said softly. 

Ahsoka narrowed her eyes and squared her shoulders in defiant pride. "If you're trying to insult me, you suck at it."

Obi-Wan smiled sadly and placed a hand on her shoulder. "My intent was actually the opposite."

She eyed him suspiciously but made no further move. He, too, remained silent, and she finally piped up, "So if you're not here to get me in trouble, what do you want? Anakin's not here, and I don't know where he went."

"I see," he said, tone once again neutral. "In that case, I'll be going now." He paused for a moment. "And Ahsoka, I am truly sorry for the distress I've caused you."

Her eyes narrowed again. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to," she said flatly, and promptly shut the door. 

After that, Obi-Wan headed straight for his quarters. His attempts at meditation predictably failed, so he settled for grabbing the bottle of Togruta moonshine Anakin had bestowed upon him several months prior (while swearing up and down he'd imported it legitimately from Shili, of course, and that Ahsoka most definitely had _not_ shown him and the Clones how to brew it). 

Both the alcohol and the thought of Anakin's mischievous smirk burned Obi-Wan from within, as did the idea of drinking alone in his current mental state. So Obi-Wan tucked the bottle into his robes and set off down the hallway in search of a friendly ear, letting his feet lead him of their own accord to the familiar quarters of one of his oldest friends.

Moments later, he and Quinlan Vos sat side by side, Obi-Wan forlornly describing his woes as the bottle was passed back and forth. 

"So let me get this straight, Kenobi. A senator slapped you, a padawan told you off, and an astromech has it in for you. What the hell did you do, sign up with the Seppies?"

Obi-Wan smiled sadly. "No, but that doesn't sound like an entirely unappealing option at the moment. I daresay it's likely to cause slightly less backlash."

Quin's eyes narrowed. "Enough riddles, Kenobi. Out with it."

Obi-Wan sighed and relayed the details of the mission to his friend, inwardly cringing at the Kiffar's increasingly shocked expression as the story played out.

When Obi-Wan was done, Quin let out a low hiss of breath. "You did that to Skywalker? And he's still speaking to you? Kid's more generous than I thought."

Obi-Wan lowered his gaze. "Quin, come now. Anakin must understand the importance of accepting personal sacrifice when duty requires it. And I'll thank you to not give me the look you give younglings when you catch them sneaking out of the creche! You know as well as I do that…"

Quin abruptly cut him off. "What if Jinn faked his death."

Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open. 

"What if he died right in front of you, made you go through all that bullshit where you sat around kicking your own ass for not being able to save him. And then he popped back up alive, acting like nothing was wrong, and told you he put you through _all that bullshit_ just because he thought your pain would be useful for a mission."

Obi-Wan felt sick to his stomach, old grief and new anger bubbling together and burning his gut. 

But Quin wasn't done. "What if Tachi did it." 

Obi-Wan physically recoiled, fists clenched and teeth gritted together in barely contained rage. "That's quite enough, Quin. There is no reason to bring up…"

"There's every reason! I saw what both those deaths did to you. Tachi's damn near sent you to the Dark Side, and Qui-Gon...Force, Kenobi, you hacked a Sith Lord in half you were so pissed off! Then you mentally checked out for the better part of a year because you blamed yourself for not being able to save him. And unless my psychometry is malfunctioning," Quin held up the bottle that, Obi-Wan realized, Anakin had previously touched, "your place in Skywalker's life is a combination of what both those people were to you."

Obi-Wan gaped at Quin. He hadn't planned on letting that particular Loth-cat out of the bag, and he definitely hadn't anticipated Quin siding with Anakin. It made sense for Padme and Ahsoka to automatically take Anakin's side. After all, Padme was an outsider who was lovestruck by the Hero with No Fear, and Ahsoka was a very young Padawan who idolized her Master. Neither could be expected to fully appreciate Obi-Wan's responsibility to duty and the Code. But Quin was an experienced Jedi who'd trained a Padawan of his own, and he wasn't particularly close to Anakin at all, so he had no motive to take his side unless... 

"You fucked this one up, Kenobi," Quin said, putting to rest any hope Obi-Wan had been harboring. "I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but I'm not the one you talk to when you need platitudes. I'm the one you talk to when you know deep down you need to get your ass handed to you." 

Obi-Wan sighed miserably, still feeling hopelessly lost. "He doesn't trust me anymore."

"No shit!" Quin looked at Obi-Wan like he'd utterly lost his mind. "I wouldn't trust you either after that. Nobody with half a brain would. But Skywalker...Damn. Look, Kenobi. He's sensitive, loyal, and completely unstable when he feels like he's been betrayed. You keep this up, and you're not only going to hurt him, you're going to send him off the rails. And I don't mean you're going to piss him off and get stuck sleeping on the couch for a week. I mean you're gonna make such a mess out of the kid nobody'll be able to clean it up." 

"What can I do to set this right?"

"Talk to him. You can't undo what you did, but you can let him know you realize you screwed the pooch on this one. If you keep trying to justify it, all he's going to hear is that he shouldn't give you a chance to earn his trust back because you're just going to turn around and pull the same shit again."

"But if I could at least explain…"

Quin held up a hand to silence him. "This isn't the time to hide behind the Code. You know as well as I do the kid wipes his ass with the flimsi it's printed on. Citing the Code might seem like justification to you, but to Skywalker, you'd just be telling him he's worth less than toilet paper."

Obi-Wan's shoulders hunched in defeat, and for the first time all evening, Quin gave him a sympathetic look. "You've told me yourself Anakin is loyal to people, not ideas. He doesn't need to hear some bullshit about the Code. He needs _you_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worry not, the shit's going to explode full-force in the next few chapters, which are significantly longer than the first four because my muse is a teal deer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, more angst and drama! Huge surprise, I know :p
> 
> Thanks again to everyone for the comments and kudos! This chapter's a bit longer than the previous ones because I had to fit way more Jedi baggage into it.  
> \-------------------------------------

Obi-Wan sat on the floor of the unoccupied Padawan room in Quin's apartment. The Kiffar Jedi had been summoned by the Council for a mission debrief, but before he left, he'd offered Obi-Wan a quiet place to meditate. "Aayla did something to the energy in the room when she still lived here," he'd said. "It's way more calm and peaceful than I can stand, but it might be up your alley." 

Obi-Wan found the energy in the room to have a somewhat mischievous spark to it, but it was still far calmer and more peaceful than anything else he'd expect to find in Quin's quarters. He'd gratefully accepted the offer, and the small change of scenery had indeed helped him slip more easily into a meditative trance. 

As he was beginning to come out of it, however, he almost wished it hadn't. Sometimes meditation was the only way to get a clear sense of perspective, and in this case, the view wasn't turning out to be particularly spectacular. 

"You still in here, Kenobi?" he heard a voice call as the main door to the apartment whooshed open, then shut. 

Obi-Wan pulled himself to his feet and silently emerged from Aayla's old room. Quin gave him an incredulous look. "I thought you were going to go talk to Anakin," he said, grabbing the bottle of moonshine off the counter and passing it to Obi-Wan. "You need some liquid courage?"

"That's probably not the best idea right now," Obi-Wan said, despite being sorely tempted. The conversation he needed to have was far too important to risk muddling his mind with booze.

Quin shrugged and took two large pulls from the bottle. "Then I'll just take an extra swig on your behalf for good luck." He set the bottle back on the counter, then walked over to the door and opened it, turning to look expectantly at Obi-Wan. 

"I suppose there's no sense in putting this off any longer," Obi-Wan said, feeling like that's precisely what he wanted to do, but also knowing it wasn't wise to continue letting Anakin stew. Or himself, for that matter.

"Suck it up, Kenobi," Quin said, gesturing toward the door. "Moonshine's right here if you need it when you're done." 

\------------------

The walk to Anakin's apartment was only a short trip through the temple halls, but it seemed to drag on forever. When he finally arrived, Obi-Wan hesitantly tapped on the door. Moments later, he heard what sounded like a brief argument taking place inside. "Just let him in, Skyguy," a muffled voice said. "If he starts being a _stoopa_ again we can kick him back out." 

The room went silent for a few moments, and then the door whooshed open, telltale Force tendrils with Ahsoka's signature on them brushing the keypad. She apparently didn't want to open the door herself, Obi-Wan mused, but at least she wasn't barricading it this time.

As Obi-Wan stepped into the room, he saw Ahsoka perched on the side of the couch, hovering like a buzzdroid ready to descend on any incoming threats. Anakin sat on the floor by her feet, his mechanical arm resting on the rug while Artoo prodded at it with a retractable limb normally used for repairing ships. 

Obi-Wan took in the sight in front of him, and his heart nearly dropped. _Oh no, please don't let him have gone out and done something reckless._ "Anakin, have you been injured?" He asked, trying to keep the fear and guilt from his voice.

Anakin glared, and through their bond, Obi-Wan picked up echos of "only by you," and "what the hell do you care anyway?" before Anakin's shields snapped into place. "It's nothing," he bit out. 

Obi-Wan continued to stare, his mind filling with worry and concern. Anakin would rarely admit when he was in need of medical attention, and he definitely wouldn't admit it to Obi-Wan right now, considering where his last admission of vulnerability had gotten him. 

"I'm fine, okay?" Anakin snapped. "I always tinker with Artoo after stressful missions, and I think I accidentally taught him it's how to help...nevermind, will you just go away?" 

_Oh Force,_ Obi-Wan thought to himself. _I damaged him so badly his astromech thinks he needs repairs._

Anakin's eyes narrowed as he seemed to pick up the thought. "Congratulation. You lost an emotional intelligence contest to a droid. The Council will be proud. Now will you get the hell out of here already?" 

Obi-Wan began to turn and leave, but then he sensed another presence behind him at the door. 

"Master Vos?" Anakin and Ahsoka asked in unison before Obi-Wan had a chance to start making a retreat. 

The Kiffar nodded to the both of them, then gave the older of the two a sympathetic look. "Let him talk, Anakin."

Anakin narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "Fine, but if he says anything else stupid I'm going to kick his ass."

Quin looked for all the world like he was biting back a laugh. "No you're not. If he says anything else stupid, _I'm_ going to kick his ass," he said, giving Obi-Wan a pointed stare.

Feeling like a chastised puppy, Obi-Wan walked over to Anakin and knelt down beside him. He reached for Anakin's flesh hand, but Anakin snatched it away. Artoo turned his dome toward Obi-Wan and greeted him with an aggressive beep. The droid kept his repair tool anchored firmly in Anakin's mechno arm, and there was no doubt in Obi-Wan's mind that Artoo was daring him to try reaching for it. 

Ahsoka sat perfectly still, fire still smoldering in her eyes, before Quin tapped her lightly on the shoulder and tilted his head toward the door. She hesitated for a moment, then silently lifted herself off the armrest and followed Quin out, closing the door behind her. Obi-Wan could sense them both outside, clearly not wanting to intrude on such a personal conversation, but also unwilling to leave Anakin alone if it went south. 

_What in the hells have things come to when Anakin needs a security detail to protect him from me?_ Obi-Wan silently asked himself. Artoo still refused to let go of his friend's arm, so Obi-Wan figured he might as well bite the bullet.

"Anakin, I…" Obi-Wan paused, then closed his eyes in defeat. "I'm sorry. You are not the one who has problems with attachment. I am."

Anakin's eyes narrowed. "Attachment to what? Some misplaced sense of duty? Or attachment to hearing yourself talk? Because I'm getting pretty sick of both."

Obi-Wan gave a pained sigh, shoulders slumping forward. "No, Anakin. To you." He reached out a hand to stroke Anakin's cheek, and Anakin furiously pulled away. With a deep breath to center his thoughts, Obi-Wan continued. "I was desperate to convince myself and the Council that neither of us were as attached to each other as we are, and I foolishly thought this was the answer. I thought that if I was able to separate myself from you, and if you were able to put your attachment to me aside, it would prove that neither of us were walking the dangerous line we walk every day. I was obviously mistaken. About a lot of things. Can you forgive me?"

Anakin stared at Obi-Wan, shock and confusion and _so much pain_ brimming in those clear blue eyes. "It's not that I don't want to. I just don't know if I can." He shook his head miserably, then choked out a mirthless laugh. "Couldn't you just go pick up some floozy at a bar like a _normal_ person having second thoughts about a relationship? Hire a couple of strippers, maybe watch some porn on the holonet or something? Because this was just..." He trailed off, words failing him.

Obi-Wan reached for Anakin again, brushing his fingers gently across the younger man's shoulder. Anakin didn't withdraw this time, but he regarded Obi-Wan's hand like it was a particularly grotesque insect that had landed on him. Considering how much Anakin normally treasured physical affection, this was quite unsettling.

Anakin closed his eyes for a moment, and his breath hitched when he spoke. "What you did to me...that was a major breach of trust. It wasn't just some snap decision in the heat of battle that turned out to be dumb, or some snarky comment that hit too close to home. You used me and lied to me. You exploited one of my deepest fears, and _you planned it out in advance_." His words came through gritted teeth, and he took a moment to calm himself before continuing. 

"You actually thought this through and somehow you still decided you were doing the right thing. If the Council and the Code have got you so brainwashed that pulling this sort of stunt would even cross your mind, let alone cross your mind long enough for you to think it was okay to actually go through with it...how do I know you won't sell me out again, and think _that's_ the right thing too?" 

Anakin's voice started to rise, and Obi-Wan could practically hear his friend's heart rate speed up. He tried to offer comfort through their bond, but Anakin's shields were drawn tight. "Is this...is this your idea of the Jedi Way? Lying, backstabbing, manipulating people who trust you, intentionally inflicting pain? Those are somehow supposed to be _lesser_ evils than attachment?! What the _kriff_ kind of priorities...I mean, are we Sith Lords and I never got the memo? Because those don't sound like Jedi virtues. Is there some new revision to the Code that says 'there is no serenity, there is only bantha shit'? Hells, that might be an improvement! At least then the words would finally match up to the way it's practiced!"

"Anakin, please," Obi-Wan said desperately. "I was frightened by what was happening between us. It went against everything I'd spent my entire life vowing to uphold."

Anakin narrowed his eyes in disgust. "So you betrayed my trust and hurt me on purpose because you were scared. I guess I finally understand what Yoda meant about fear leading to the Dark Side."

The crushing truth of Anakin's words hit home. Obi-Wan had acted in fear, allowed it to guide him, and as a result, he'd repaid love with cruelty, and now the both of them were paying a heavy price. 

Anakin studied Obi-Wan intently for a moment, then continued. "You know, it was hard for me to trust you or even speak to you after you told me to ignore my dreams about my mother. But I couldn't keep blaming you for that, because I know better than to blame a slave for a situation he's been forced into."

And there was the crux of the matter. Anakin viewed the Jedi Order as slavery, the Code writ from the same pen as the laws on Tatooine that permitted some sentient beings to deprive others of their very personhood. Obi-Wan had suspected Anakin resented certain aspects of Jedi life, but there was no lower scum in Anakin's eyes than a slaver, and no greater wrong in the universe than being party to such things. 

At least Anakin seemed to view Obi-Wan as a victim rather than a perpetrator, Obi-Wan reasoned, or else this conversation likely wouldn't be happening at all, and definitely not this calmly. But still, the revelation of Anakin's perspective shocked Obi-Wan completely. "That's ludicrous," he said plainly. "I am no such thing, and it worries me that you would make such a grave accusation so lightly." 

Fury spiked in their bond as Anakin balled his fists. "Like hell! You think I don't know slavery when I see it? The Council and the Code have owned and controlled you since you were a baby. It's not your fault you were kept ignorant of what being human actually means. You had no way of understanding what it meant to lose someone you love because you have no idea what love even is." 

Anakin took a deep, deliberate breath and a bit of the fury seemed to subside. "Once I had some time to cool off after...after my mother, I was more angry at the Council for making you grow up that way than I was angry at you for ignoring me. But this latest stunt - not only did you know, you deliberately used it to exploit me. And it was such a spectacularly shitty plan, even the _wermos_ on the Council had the sense to know it was farkled to hell!" 

The anger in Anakin's eyes flared back to life as he spoke, then faded to a broken hollowness. Part of Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than to pull his friend into his arms and beg forgiveness. Another part forced him to repress the urge as pain, outrage, and indignant confusion bubbled to life in his chest. _The Jedi are not slavers!_ , he thought furiously. He was _not_ a slave, and the fact that he was having his very humanity called into question by the most important person in his life, that Anakin could possibly think him incapable of love after Qui-Gon, after _him_...Obi-Wan was at a loss for words. 

The uncomfortable silence stretched on for a few long moments, and then Obi-Wan asked the question he needed to ask, though he dreaded what answer he might receive. "If you believe the Jedi to be evil, why have you not left the Order?"

Anakin blinked once, then stared at Obi-Wan like he'd just been asked the stupidest, most obvious question in the galaxy. "Why do you think? You! And Ahsoka. And Rex. I can't just abandon you in the middle of a war! And I have an opportunity to do good in the galaxy as a Jedi. Even if the Code and the Council are idiotic, I'll put up with it if it means I can help people. I promised my mom that's what I was going to do, and it's what I want to do too. But I never signed up for..." 

Anakin trailed off, then locked his eyes onto Obi-Wan's, looking as crushed and heartbroken as Obi-Wan had ever seen him. "I love you, Obi-Wan," Anakin muttered miserably, "but I can't trust you. Not after this."

There was nothing left to say. Thoroughly defeated, Obi-Wan left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan and Anakin, y'all seriously need some couple's therapy. Tune in next time when the galactic TSA confiscates the emotional baggage because it's going to explode. (Okay not really about the TSA but definitely really about the explosion.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the home stretch, where shit + fan = OTP! This chapter was a bit of a doozy to write because holy hell these two idiots are a goddamn dysfunctional mess. Also, just a heads up, there's one part where it looks like things are about to get way more violent than they actually are. Anakin sort of did some stuff here that I hadn't necessarily planned on him doing (which just goes to show nobody can truly control Anakin Skywalker, not even a dweeby fanfic author), but worry not, there's no graphic violence. This chapter also got long as fuck, but I didn't want to split it up, so there you have it. Enjoy. Or suffer. Or both. IDEK with these two jagoffs anymore.  
> \-----------

The days went by, and tense silence reigned supreme. Anakin kept his shields drawn tight, lowering them only during battle, and then only enough to allow him and Obi-Wan to fight effectively as a team. This in and of itself was worrisome, as it was a surefire indicator the issue was very much Not Resolved. Under normal circumstances, Anakin couldn't bear to keep emotional walls up between himself and the people he cared for - at least not good ones, and definitely not long term. 

Even more worrisome was Anakin's complete lack of the sulky, petulant theatrics he usually indulged in when he was angry at Obi-Wan for something. As obnoxious as that sort of behavior could be, it was a blatant form of attention seeking, and at least it meant Anakin wanted Obi-Wan's attention. 

This combination of shutting Obi-Wan out and doing absolutely nothing to seek or even accept his attention...Obi-wan had never seen it before in his life out of Anakin, even during the difficult final stretch of Anakin's apprenticeship when the two of them had fought constantly. 

Something was still Very, Very Wrong, and it was only a matter of time before the dam broke and the storm crashed to shore. As the days passed by, Obi-Wan found himself increasingly dreading the inevitable gale, yet desperately longing for the clear skies its passage would hopefully bring. 

It wasn't until several missions later that it finally happened. 

Obi-Wan had just returned from Mandalore, a gut-wrenching storm of his own brewing within him and threatening to sweep him away. He knew his shields were shot to hell as he trekked wearily through the temple halls toward his quarters, but he couldn't bring himself to care. 

News of the planet's recently deceased Duchess had already hit the holonet, with the tabloids alleging she'd had an anonymous Jedi lover. Obi-Wan wouldn't normally care about that either. Holonet gossip was cheaper than scrap metal in a junkyard - at least that's what he told himself until Anakin stepped into his path, and it quickly became apparent that one brief glance at a datapad and another at Obi-Wan's Force signature had told Anakin all he needed to know.

"Karma's a real _schutta_ , isn't it?" his former apprentice sneered as he intercepted Obi-Wan in the hall near his quarters. There was something dark and dangerous in the younger man's eyes as he stepped closer. "Maybe she'll come back to life and tell you she was faking it just to fuck with you. Wouldn't that be romantic?"

The blast of heartbroken rage that exploded through their bond seemed to physically knock Anakin backwards, and Obi-Wan wasn't sure which of them drew their sabers first. 

"Oh, so _now_ you actually feel something?" Anakin snarled. "That's cute. I didn't think you were capable." Another torrent of volatile emotion blazed inside the bond. "Let go of your attachments, _Master_ ," Anakin mocked in a singsong voice, circling Obi-Wan, the azure light of his saber casting shadows on his face. "Release your humanity to the Force. Take everything that makes you a sentient being, rip it out of your soul, and flush it into the big cosmic toilet. That's the Jedi way, isn't it?"

Anakin's fury was palpable and thick, but he made no move to strike, and Obi-Wan noticed the younger man's stance was mostly defensive. Anakin was trying to bait him into initiating physical combat, and Force help him, he was tempted. But having a public altercation with his former Padawan where anyone who happened to pass by could get hurt in the crossfire (or worse yet, start asking questions) was not an acceptable course of action. "I won't fight you in the temple corridors, Anakin," Obi-Wan said plainly, powering down his saber. 

Anakin hesitated for a moment, then followed suit. Obi-Wan was about to breathe a sigh of relief, but he suddenly found himself being violently Force pushed down the hallway toward his apartment, with Anakin storming after him.

"Fine!" Anakin barked, furiously keying in the lock code that Obi-Wan had never bothered to change, then dragging Obi-Wan through the door. "We'll play it your way," he snarled, shoving Obi-Wan into the bedroom and then face first onto the bed. He yanked the older man's arm behind his back, twisting it roughly upward and pinning him in place. "I get to use you for my own purposes no matter how much it hurts. That's how this works, isn't it?" Anakin locked his other arm around Obi-Wan's waist and ground his hips harshly against the back of his thigh, hissing hot breath into his ear. "You don't get a say in the matter. As long as I come up with a good enough excuse and dress it up in enough flowery Jedi bantha shit to make it smell like roses, any pain you feel is your own damned fault. Those are the rules, aren't they? That you're an idiot for trusting me not to hurt you? That since I'm _capable_ of causing you pain, it's okay for me to do it? That if I'm worried a bunch of pompous idiots in the Council Chamber might call my Jedi zombie credentials into question, I can do whatever the Sith hells I want in order to prove them wrong? And if I happen to think confronting my own dysfunctional bullshit is too much work, I can just rip you up instead. That's the game, isn't it?" 

Anakin's grip around Obi-Wan's midriff tightened, and then just as suddenly, Anakin roughly shoved him away. "Lucky for you I don't play by your rules." 

Obi-Wan's heart was pounding desperately in his chest, and he took a deep breath to steady himself before attempting to sit up on the bed. He should have been horrified, or at the very least angry and stunned, but all he felt was another deep wave of sadness and guilt shredding his heart and battering what was left of his shields. He turned to look at Anakin, who was now leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest, eyes fixed on Obi-Wan, contemptuous anger and cruel satisfaction pouring off him in waves. 

Obi-Wan met his gaze and spoke softly. "By all means, Anakin, if you believe it would help you feel better, please go ahead." At Anakin's shocked expression, Obi-Wan continued. "Quite frankly, I'd welcome the distraction. Physical discomfort can allow the mind and body to transcend…"

"WILL YOU SHUT THE KARKING HELLS UP WITH THAT KRIFFING PRETENTIOUS BANTHA SHIT?" Anakin roared, and Obi-Wan could swear he saw glints of yellow blazing in his former Padawan's eyes. "I...you...UGH! No, hurting you on purpose wouldn't make me feel better! There wouldn't be any point! You're already a karking mess as it is, and besides, you don't deserve to get laid!"

Obi-Wan would have laughed had the situation been any less dire. 

The two of them using rough sex as a means to vent mutual aggression wouldn't have been an entirely new experience, though Anakin bringing this much anger into the bedroom definitely would. For all his jagged edges and tempestuous outbursts in countless other areas of his life, Anakin was an astoundingly gentle and attentive lover on the few occasions when he topped. When he bottomed, he preferred to playfully provoke mild roughness out of Obi-Wan, and though it occasionally escalated to full scale angry sex, or battles for dominance when they'd both been repressing too much frustration or tension toward each other, there was always an undercurrent of love. 

Right now, however, there was anger and confusion radiating off Anakin in veritable torrents, and Obi-Wan didn't know whether he wanted to beat the hell out of Anakin for making Satine's death all about him, or beat the hell out of himself for so carelessly putting Anakin through the same razor-clawed agony flaying his own soul since Mandalore. 

It wasn't that he'd forgotten what it had been like to watch Qui-Gon die in his arms, but there had been so much other turmoil in his life at the time - his hasty knighting, his equally hasty acceptance of a padawan, everyone's shock at the re-emergence of the Sith in the galaxy - that the piercing intensity of that specific pain had blurred in his memory and dulled over time. 

But the Force has a cruel sense of humor, and it had seen fit to remind him exactly how it feels to have someone you love die in front of you while you're powerless to stop it. Maybe Anakin was right. Maybe it was karma. But whatever it was, it kriffing _hurt_ , and between the memories of Satine's lifeless body in his arms and Anakin's furious, rigid stance against the wall, Obi-Wan realized he'd lost not one, but two people he loved - one because he wasn't quick or strong enough to save her, and the other, damaged and pushed away by his own cruel hand. 

The crushing wave of grief that wracked his body at the realization shattered what remained of his shields and sent him crumpling to the bed, an overwhelming sense of hopeless despair ripping through him, pillaging the last of his strength. He tried to release it to the Force, but it was impossible to release what he didn't have hold of in the first place, and this horrible maelstrom of heartbreak and failure very much had a hold of _him_ , rather than vice versa. 

He idly thought perhaps he should try and pry himself loose, but he had no strength or energy left for that either. It took him a moment to realize the burning sting in his eyes was due to tears threatening to fall rather than mere exhaustion.

Shields disintegrated, he gathered what tiny shreds of energy he had left and used them to push a desperate plea to Anakin's mind across their bond, thoroughly expecting to be met with anger, contempt, or simply the steely wall of Anakin's own unyielding shields. 

A split second later, however, the mattress dipped down and Anakin was at Obi-Wan's side, his tall body curling protectively around Obi-Wan's, the anger in Anakin's signature dissipating into the ether of the Force. "Shhhh. Master." Anakin murmured, reaching for his friend's limp body and pulling the smaller man against his chest, guiding his forehead down to rest in the crook of Anakin's neck. "I love you. You haven't lost me. Force knows you piss me off sometimes, but I'm not going anywhere."

Obi-Wan stiffened at Anakin's brazen declaration of attachment, but once the knee-jerk reaction wore off, he didn't bother trying to hide the comfort and relief it brought him. Lying to himself and to Anakin was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place, and though a lifetime of Jedi training may have rendered Obi-Wan incapable of verbally returning the sentiment, he allowed his jumble of frayed and battered emotions to tumble freely into the bond, his deep and unconditional love of Anakin at the forefront, along with all the regrets he'd been unable to express in words. 

Obi-Wan felt Anakin's arms tighten around him, warmth and concern flowing through their link as Anakin softly kissed the top of Obi-Wan's head, just as Obi-Was had done for Anakin countless times before. Anakin had dropped his own shields now, and Obi-Wan could feel Anakin's Force signature gingerly caressing his mind, carefully filtering away the sharp edges of grief to replace them with gentle reassurance. 

And suddenly, Obi-Wan was reminded of yet another maddening yet wonderful thing about his former apprentice: for all Anakin's bullheaded mood swings and infuriating habits, one trait would always win out in the end - his instinctive need to protect the people he loves. "I'm sorry about Satine," he said, lips pressed softly against Obi-Wan's hair, sympathy and regret lacing his Force signature. "I shouldn't have wished that pain on you or used it as an excuse to start a fight."

Obi-Wan lifted his head and looked desperately into Anakin's eyes. "I hope you can forgive me as well, though I can't say I'd blame you if you can't, or if you simply wish not to. I had somehow forgotten how it felt to…" Obi-Wan trailed off and swallowed before continuing, "...to be in your position, and I am coming to realize the true horror of what I did to you. It was an act of unspeakable cruelty, and you would be fully justified if you found it unforgivable."

Pain shone bright in Anakin's eyes, but a gentle softness appeared there as well, so very different from the unyielding anger that had burned brightly only moments before. "I think the reason I haven't been able to let it go was because you didn't seem to understand why I was so upset. I mean, you understood I was pissed about being lied to, and you understood I was hurt, but you didn't seem to understand the real reason _why_. And now I think you do." 

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and bowed his head. "Yes. I do."

Anakin nodded and pulled Obi-Wan closer. "I forgive you," he said, "and I trust you not to do it again."

"...But?"

Anakin sighed. "But I'll always choose you over the Code, and I think you see that as a flaw rather than something you're willing or able to reciprocate, or even comprehend." Obi-Wan hunched his shoulders in defeat and he could sense Anakin's hurt and frustration pooling through their bond. "You see it as a failure on your part that those are my priorities. It's not, by the way. You tried your best to make me into a properly robotic Jedi. I'm just too stubborn to let you. But forgiving you and trusting you are two different things." Anakin sat back on his haunches so he could look Obi-Wan in the eye. "I know I can trust you not to play dead again because we both saw how well that turned out, and I can trust you not to intentionally hurt me as part of some other harebrained scheme, but what if there's some other conflict of interest down the line? Between me and the Code, or between me and your kriffing sense of duty? Then what?"

Obi-Wan hated that he didn't have an honest answer, but silence or dismissal would be the worst possible ways to respond, so he reached out and stroked Anakin's cheek. "We can't predict what the future holds, dear one. The will of the Force is mysterious at the best of times. But recent events have compelled me to acknowledge and accept that you mean far more to me than I could possibly put into words. Are you able to trust in that?" 

A soft smile spread over Anakin's lips, warm and genuine but the tiniest bit unsure. "Yeah. I can work with that," he said, leaning forward to nuzzle Obi-Wan's neck. "Is it okay if I stay here tonight?" 

Obi-Wan returned the smile, running his fingers through the tangle of soft blond curls. "I was hoping you would," he said, "and if you'd like to continue the activity you began earlier, I won't object to that either."

Anakin playfully nipped at Obi-Wan's neck before pulling back and favoring his Master with a grin. "You mean fucking your brains out? Sure, sounds like fun, but I don't know if it's really practical. I mean, you just got your brains back after an extended leave of absence. It would be kind of counterproductive for me to fuck them right back out again."

Obi-Wan laughed and pulled Anakin close, resting his chin against the top of his head. "Come here, you little kriff," he muttered, feeling Anakin's amusement pulse through their bond. 

That night, Obi-Wan did the unthinkable. He allowed himself to love and be loved - wholly, completely, and without guilt or regret. As Anakin twined their bodies together in the afterglow, murmuring words of devotion that by all rights should have sent a proper Jedi screaming out the door, Obi-Wan allowed himself to feel nothing but joyful contentment and the warmest, purest serenity. 

But when he reached through their bond, he was horrified that instead of true peacefulness on Anakin's end, he found elation tempered with caution, gratitude tinged with misgiving. He felt Anakin's relieved confusion at not being chastised for his open display of passion, baffled joy that the passion was being reciprocated, and worst of all, he felt his beloved Padawan's soul-deep terror that the other shoe was about to drop. It brought to mind the image of an abused, malnourished akk-puppy who'd had a dish of food placed in front of it but was too afraid to eat, and Obi-Wan's heart shattered all over again. _Stars forgive me_ , he thought, tightening his arms around Anakin. _What in the hells have I done to you?_

Oblivious to his Master's turmoil, Anakin snuggled into the embrace, another wave of surprised gratitude pulsing through their bond when he wasn't pushed away. 

Finding himself once again failed by words, Obi-Wan dropped his shields and caressed Anakin's mind with all the love and reassurance he was able to muster. He silently vowed he'd protect his dear friend's heart with the same fervor he'd protect his life on the battlefield, and desperately hoped it would be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for sticking with me through this fic. The Deception arc in TCW was so incredibly painful to watch, but so incredibly important as well, since it provided a logical (if heartbreaking) explanation for the RotS plot hole of "why the hell did Anakin pick a Sith Lord over his best friend to help him with Padme?"
> 
> Being necessary to the plot didn't make it any less painful, however, and this stunt was *such* a dick move on Obi-Wan's part it seemed unfair to Anakin that we never saw any backlash from it until the two of them were throwing down on Mustafar in Episode III. (And yes, I truly believe that if Deception hadn't happened, Mustafar wouldn't have either.) So hopefully this fic gave Anakin at least a little bit of street justice before it all went to shit, and NGL, it was really cathartic to write. Because what the everloving FUCK, Obi-Wan. What the bloody kriffing fuck. *sigh* My poor dysfunctional star-crossed Jedi babies. ;_;


End file.
